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The Great Escape

Okay my friends, the theme for today’s issue is “Over It”. So, I will be ranking eight escapism fantasies from best to worst on the grounds of if they are actual plans for actual people.

  1. Sell drugs

    1. Honestly, this is the most feasible plan for everyday people. The benefits are staying in your original community, money isn't taxed, and you get to pick your own hours. It is easy to get into if you buy a lot of drugs or you are the one out of your friend group that buys the drugs for everybody. As long as you keep your head down and stay focused, you will be sure to succeed in this job. Sometimes solely based on demand in your area.

    2. This is not for you if you are bad at math, are not disciplined, are not focused, and have a really bad drug problem (yes, you can have one too, weed smokers).

  2. Become a stripper

    1. Honestly, this is not very feasible for everyday people, however it is ranked near the top for the hourly wage and potential for great success. Again, you set your own hours. Sometimes you might get to stay in your original community, however that may not be the best option for a majority of people.

    2. This is not an easy occupation. Not only do you have to be extremely athletic and have rhythm, you also have to have a stomach for the work environment. That means the customers, coworkers, and other people who feel entitled to cross the boundaries you have set between your personal life and your job. There are a lot of people out there that will try to finesse you into doing things you may not want to do.

    3. This job can be high stress, so it is not a good plan for those wishing to escape the stress of everyday life. This is mostly for those who need supplementary income, don't feel as though higher education or other occupations are the right fit for them, and are drawn to the fast lane.

  3. Escape to the beach

    1. This by far is the ultimate escapism fantasy. By. Far. It only ranks so low because of the income. When you escape to the beach, typically you would want to work on the beach whether that be in a resort, in the food industry, or in one of those rental kiosks. These jobs have long hours that you don't get to choose and low pay that probably doesn't increase very much.

    2. However, we must consider the view and the atmosphere. That's really what one comes to the beach for. That could make me forget about the 591 square feet studio condo that I pay $1,500 a month for.

    3. This is not for those who have always planned to have a career in a field of major study. You will feel like a disappointment. You will feel alone. And you will regret stopping your life before it has a chance to start. Other than that it's perfect.

  4. Escape to a farm

    1. You are my favorite person. You make me so happy. You understand the meaning of life. This is egalitarian, womanist. This is what everyone to their core should wish that they should be. You understand the value of life. All life. You understand the pride in fostering an atmosphere of wholeness. You are everything. This is everything. And you can do it. And you should.

  5. Make music

    1. Girl, I don't know why you are trying to escape to this. If you wanna do this and sleep on your mom's couch, and you are happy with that, cool. More power to you. However, if you want to do this and make money, you have a big storm ahead of you. This is so much work. So much work. Just getting your foot into the door of the industry will take everything inside of you, so then you have to have an innate drive and passion for music for you to take off.

    2. With that being said, this is for those people who live and breathe music. This is for those people who can not see themselves doing anything other than music. This is for those people who would rather die than not work in the music industry. If that's not you, move on to the next.

  6. Coma then wake up five/ten years later

    1. You are lazy. You are lazy, and I completely understand it. I feel it. I’ve had these times too. Life is moving too fast, you are growing too tired, and nothing looks like it is going to get better. You are the type of person that tried to do everything to avoid coming to terms with why you are distracting yourself with all of that work in the first place. Maybe you already know why you're distracting yourself, but you just don’t want to take the time to fix it. Because to put in work to fix it on top of all of your other responsibilities is impossible. And you figure if you went on autopilot for a few years, everything will turn out fine. Nope, lol. You will wake up to your house burning down around you with nothing to do about it.

    2. So this is a bad plan because (1) it wouldn’t happen, (2) if you're thinking about this it means you’re probably super close to suicidal thoughts, seek help and (3) you just have to decrease some of your responsibilities, so you can focus on your mental health. Easier said than done, but do it before you end up dead. You have hope.

  7. Become a chef

    1. You stupid asshole, you’re going to need to go to school for this. Do you have money? It’s great if you have money for it, and know people in the industry who can get your name to fancy restaurants who will pay you ridiculous amounts of money as well as get your name in those fancy digital newspapers. If you’re just an everyday person with no connections, this is not it. Not it my friend. But again, if you have a passion and a plan by all means do it! I wanna see you succeed. Prove me wrong!

  8. Become youtube/ instagram/ internet famous

    1. Chile, again, I have no idea why you would want to escape to this. First off, there’s no instant gratification. Second, if the gratification is instant, it is not long lasting. If you do get long lasting fame, you will probably wish for the times before you got famous anyways. No winners here.


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