Loneliness is suffocating. It feels like someone is physically holding a pillow over your face with all their weight.
It gives me a specific headache. It's a strain. It's like I'm actually fighting to breathe.
Most of all it feels warm. Not fresh cookies on Christmas Eve warm (my mom always made them with pecans so I couldn't eat them), but more like wearing a sweater in Miami after it rained warm. Sickening heat.
Heat to where you wish you never felt anything so it could be cold again.
I met someone recently, and she has everything I've ever wanted. I thought it would make me resentful. I thought I would hate her out of spite. It was the opposite. I see someone so worthy of love and support when I look at her.
And that's what hurts because it is like God my whole life has been telling me, "This is what you get, and this is what you deserve." At this point, so be it. But what do I do with this pain?