Big Fish in a Tiny Ass Pond
When your ambition outgrows your environment.
Even before I graduated, I've been a big fish. There was this tiny ass pond that I never fit into. Everyone else fucking thrived, though. They were tiny fish in a tiny pond. They were able to actually move and explore their environment. Were able to find their place and appreciate their surroundings.
That tiny ass pond was Brentwood, Tennessee. Marsha Blackburn stans Tennessee. Brand new Jeep Wrangler for Julie's 15th birthday Tennessee. Daddy's money Tennessee. No one had hustle. Everyone had a path. A straightforward shot to a membership at a Governor's Club. Everyone acknowledged and made fun of the Brentwood bubble, but they all realized without it, they wouldn’t know who they are or where they would end up. Because everything they are is everything they already have.
I wasn't able to find a place or a path for myself in that tiny ass pond because I could barely breathe. I felt so restricted in what was normal: my goals, my hair, my clothes, my talents, my body, my mind. Everything about me was awkward and never fit. And growing up all I wished is that I would shrink.
I wished I would be able to fit into the pond. I wished that I would be able to move and explore my surroundings. I wished that I would be able to be satisfied.
Growing up I learned there is no wish upon a star moment. There is no Cheetah Girls 2 flipping through a magazine stroke of luck big breakthrough moment. Life is a series of distinct moves to position you to your ideal future.
So if you want your like, your legacy, to matter, everything you do matters.
If I wanted to get out of that pond, I wouldn't wake up one day to find a channel to a river. I'd have to bang my head in to the dirt everyday and dig my way through.
If your dreams, goals, ambitions don't fit your environment, make your own way to a new one.